Last week our good friend Rasta Randy brought us some brownies, and we ended up watching an incredibly terrifying movie marathon. Now our tenderness toward rabbits has been scared straight out of our Easter Basket.
Are we the only ones who think “harmless” and “cute” are associated FAR TOO OFTEN with these Vermin of the Earth? Below is a collection of demonic hairballs Nature forgot to coddle.
Frank, from Donnie Darko
Case in point, Frank. Stemming from the minds that brought us this Jake Gyllenhaal thriller, Frank The Rabbit is a cursed creature that accomplishes two things:
- Manifests The End of Times
- Derails Michael Dudakis‘ campaign
Haven’t seen the movie? Sorry to spoil the ending. Then again, it’s not as if you couldn’t gather this information from his frightening headshot.
White Rabbit, from The Matrix
Remember those obnoxious scenes in the Matrix movie… follow the white rabbit, Neo… save the world, Neo… go to the rave, Neo… don’t let the bus go under 50, Neo…
Yeah, that movie was pretty bad. Now every time we hear [lastfm link_type=”similar_artist_radio”]Jefferson Airplane[/lastfm]’s White Rabbit, we’re can’t help but fear that The Matrix is real. That, or, Keanu Reeves is somewhere nearby and wants to act for us.
Thanks for that, Wachowski Brothers. Thanks A LOT.
Mr. Floppy, from Unhappily Ever After
Bobcat Goldthwait lent his “talents” to this late-night, short-lived comedy. The show was great, the characters were funny, and that perverted gray stuffed bunny cracked us up every time.
Unfortunately, not a lot of people saw this show and whenever we reference it, our friends become inevitably confused.
“Oh wait! You’re talking about Greg The Bunny aren’t you? That show was funny!”
And for that we’re scared for humanity.
The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, of Monty Python and the Holy Grail
If the Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh with ”nasty, big, pointy teeth!” could make Eric Idle soil his armor, there ain’t no place in our hearts for this beast.
Besides, can you imagine what would happen if they made a musical out of this farce? Is there anything worse than a bunny with fangs that can sing?
Jessica Rabbit, from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Cartoons… Ain’t they a stinker? Always trying to invade our crazy world with their sensible plane of existence. Or could it be that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a metaphor of something more… something sinister…
Roger Rabbit hosts the mass exodus of our television and destroys our childhood.
On the other hand, we’ve never been more turned on by Jessica Rabbit. That’s not so bad.
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