ask jack Ask Jack 03/16/2010

Dr. J has all the answers to your questions.

Q: Do you think holidays have become too commercialized?  Christmas has become all about Santa, and St. Patrick’s Day has become all about green beer.  What gives?

Steve Palmer — Coon Rapids, MN

A: In the interest of staying on the right side of the Political Correctness gods, I don’t know that I can really attest as to whether or not any holidays have become “too commercial.”  However, it is timely that you mention St. Patrick’s Day.  Instead of looking upon green beer as an element that’s “commercialized” a holiday, I prefer to think that the Irish have simply come up with a good celebration method that we ought to incorporate into other holidays:  Color-coded Beer.  Our suggestions are as follows:

New Year’s Day:  Any beer with a recent “born on” date

President’s Day:  Samuel Adams

April Fool’s Day:  O’Doul’s Non-Alcoholic Beer

Easter:  Any Pastel-colored beer

Cinco de Mayo:  Corona or Dos Equis

Mother’s Day:  Any Cider-flavored beer

Memorial Day:  Red, White, or Blue-colored beer

Father’s Day:  Any beer

Independence Day: Red, White, or Blue-colored beer

Labor Day:  Mauve-colored beer (just because)

Halloween:  Pumpkin Ale

Columbus Day:  Any beer that makes you think you’ve “discovered” something that was really already there

National Boss’ Day:  Any beer… of any hue or flavor.

Veteran’s Day:  Pabst Blue Ribbon (Or any beer your grandparents used to drink)

Thanksgiving:  Orange or red-colored beer.  Newcastle Brown Ale (since brown is also a fall color) is also acceptable

Christmas:  Red or Green-colored beer.  Though the green in Christmas beer should be a pine color so as to distinguish it from the green St. Patrick’s Day beer.

These are our suggestions.  Please write your congressman to bring our vision to life.  Thanks for the question, Steve.

“Dr. J”


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